Relationships are the single most challenging area in our lives. They are 100% projection. Catching these projections and making conscious choices about our unconscious belief systems and pre-potent behavioral tendencies is a process that necessitates focused intention over time. Insight begins by magnifying self-knowledge.
There is no shortcut to intimacy be it emotional, physical or spiritual. Recovery, personal advancement to new behavior, is a mix of the intra-personal, inter-personal, personal-functional, and personal-societal.
Optimism and a sense of control are essential elements in dealing wtih our upsets. Natural life cycles and random events will shatter illusions and fortell new realities for us all. We will all need to build many new identities over the course of life and career. Finding a safe set and setting to nurture personal change is essential.
Mentoring can be the support you've never had or no longer have, a place of enlightened witness, nurturing and listening that adds to your developing trust that you will survive your ordeals. Mentoring can be a form of objective support and acceptance that a person has never before received. Then, as one gains strength, motivation, insight and skill to fully realize their potential, mentoring goes to a deeper level with support for discovering one's gifts and making a new beginning.
Don't believe everything you say. More is always being revealed. It might sound 'right' at the moment that it is said, yet over time, with integrative work and persistence, insight grows and what you say may sound much different--much closer to a working reality.
The past is impossible to be certain about with the infinite specificity of which one may wish. However, approximation of the past is sufficient to learn and move beyond much of ones automatic behavior which is rooted in the past--often surfacing suddenly and destructively. Ongoing discovery, depth of awareness and mystery-made-conscious have continued every year of my life. And, it is my reactions in relationships that trigger most of my growth opportunities.
Relationships begin and end, not all well. Sooner or later, someone we love dies. Most of us lose jobs and change career. We all age. Health issues may engage us unexpectedly. Spiritual challenges rise up. Opportunity and crisis both escalate feelings of vulnerability, being at risk. Sooner or later, everyone's equilibrium is shaken. Life is Art--an endless process of creativity, reflection, innovation.
I value Carl Jung's conclusion that everyone who came to him for a consult was either twenty-one or forty-five years of age, regardless of their chronological age. The twenty-one vision is a backward glance, even a wish to return to the womb and escape looming responsibility and accountability, certainly something they must conquer to move onward. The forty-five has seen a vison they don't believe they can live without, cannot yet endure about their life.
Relationship is ART. (A)ll (R)elationship (T)eaches. It teaches us of self and other. The more we know about 'Self' the more we perceive about 'Other'. Not learning about 'Self' limits what we can see in others and what we can build in relationship Relationships are the essence of creativity. Our journey to wholeness is artistic process for sure. Each of us is the artist of our own destiny. We get many opportunities to become aware or remain unaware.
"You Alone Are Real To Me", Lou Andreas Salome,
Serial Muse to Neitzche, Rilke and Freud
"Ceaseless curiosity about relating is one path to unlocking the possibilities of every Self's ultimate interconnectedness. Relationship is spiritual practice"
-Thomas Merton Brightman, Making the Great Connections.
Mentoring is shelter, a sanctuary, an educational process that facilitates your act of becoming all that you can be in the best and worst of relationships. It is your elder advocate in life transitions. It is a wisdom hand reaching to you across the abyss. With mentoring, you become less alone, more objective and even inspired in your quest to cope with change.
Many feel that there are "lost" parts of themselves. They want to feel whole. They want to express the true self on one's own terms. They feel a call to wholeness within this lifetime. They want a safe, nonjudgmental person with whom they can discuss these longings. They want sustainable balance as peaks and valleys of life cycles and other unique challenges distort thinking and feeling functions.
Mentoring is a custom-tailored, one-to-one, nonjudgmental learning environment. It is a giving and receiving of wisdom. Life transition is one time in which mentoring is especially useful in expanding awareness. When you feel like life is an emergency, mentoring can demonstrate that you are simply in a practical or spiritual emergence -- not an emergency, but a gateway, a hand on the door, foot on the threshold to new realities.
Alice Miller, author of The Drama of the Gifted Child, writes in her last book, The Body Never Lies--The Lingering Effects of Hurtful Parenting, about the value of an 'enlightened witness' to facilitate dealing with the stealth of the tentacles of poisonous pedagogy, still denied or deflected by so many forms of personal growth work.
It is useful to stop crossing the 'T' to turn 'here' into 'There'. We tend to think, feel and act like somewhere out 'There' people or events or things will improve our circumstances. When, it is our inside, our 'Here', right here, right inside, right now, that is the final determinate of our quality of life. 'Here', not 'There' is where it is at...for all of us, all the time.
In life transition, honesty with self and others is paramount to safe passage. Honesty without fear can transform confusion, resistance and anger. Mentoring facilitates transitional initiations. It assists in overcoming self-doubt. It extracts wisdom from failure. It fosters acceptance, flexibility and balance. It nurtures confidence, cooperation and harmony. Learn that misery is optional, that everyone can have more joy, connectedness, interrelatedness.
More is always being revealed. We are ever evolving. You do not have to skip what you don't understand. You do not have to accept traditional explanations. Beliefs without comprehension are of little comfort during life challenges. You can honor your own unconscious and permit symbols and images from within to express your spiritual core and inner balance. You can step out of collective convention. You can excel in ways you've only dreamed of doing.
We facilitate one's unfolding into fullness, a rising up to the urge to life. When is it time to surrender? When is it necessary to return to thinking? Mentoring offers an open-to-outcome process for personal exploration, self discovery and life integration.
Those closest to you are often unable or unwilling to assist you. When others are able and willing to assist, permission is still often withheld because of vulnerability, shame, guilt or other feelings. When you are too close to others to see them clearly, mentoring increases your awareness and appreciation of their journeys. Learn to give others back to themselves. Mentoring assists you to define responsibility and establish direction. It can re-ignite your passion and enthusiasm for life. Honesty without fear unleashes creativity.
Today people seem to have no end of cake, but long for bread. Our relationships demonstrate time and again that life requires effort and often is painful -- with or without warning meaning and purpose are assailed by life events. From time to time, we all lose our balance and sense of identity. For instance, people now average 8 jobs and 3 careers in a lifetime. Individuals may be attracted to each other, then come to attack each other. The majority of people have experienced a divorce. Many seek deep personal spiritual conncectedness.
Change is inevitable! Yet, most of us choose change only when the pain of remaining the same is greater than the pain of change. Who is prepared? Much change is precipitous, unsolicited. People are generally hostile to surprises. Not only is life largely unpredictable, but each change involves loss. Mentoring assists us to recover from loss, to embrace crises as opportunity.
There is loss of identity in each transition. There is also a new identity waiting for you. It is very useful to have an advocate, mentor-coach during these foundation-shaking personal life transitions. Life is a bewildering array of the interplay of life choices. Knowing one's values and living congruently is essential to high self esteem. Identity is destiny.
Mentoring is one way to formulate personal definition for spiritual experiences. Change of HeArt® is a safe place, a safe space, that fosters individual specific, spiritual emergence. Engage consciousness. Deepen the sacred in everyday life. A paradigm of wholeness can heal splits in mind, body and spirit.
Many seek meaning and purpose within contemporary settings and day-to-day realities. For some, religion no longer connects them to their unconscious. They no longer want an institution to define their spiritual expression. Any model can become a cage if it does not remain relevant. We've mentored spiritually seeking individuals from many religions, as well as those with no religous indoctrination.
For some people, established religious dogmas are unable to meet deepest spiritual need. These people yearn for greater understanding of Self, of Mystery and of the relationship between. They have hopes, dreams, problems and beliefs that beg for direct attention, outside of traditional religious containers.
"I have to create my own system, otherwise I'll be trapped by another man's system."
During times that are hard to deal with alone, mentoring can lead you to information that is unique to your specific needs and wants. The illusion that the "trouble" lies outside oneself must come to an end. Things are seen more clearly looked at from within. Letting go in this way can be like stepping into an abyss or jumping into a container to stew in one's own juices for awhile.
A nurturing mentoring process is especially valuable during this phase of returning to wholeness--to Self. Nurturing is an art . Mentoring is a palette. You are a blend of colors, shades, strokes, nowhere else duplicated.
There is always a way out when we feel stuck. We just need a new viewing point. Mentoring points to new ways of seeing and feeling. Life inevitably holds us accountable for the consequences of our behavior be the Karma instant or eternal. We will not remain healthy by avoidance and denial. It is best to confront ourselves early and repeatedly. Care about yourself. Carefront the behaviors that are not working to your advancement.
A weakness of modern life is the loss of understanding of the interdependent nature of relationships and of the interconnectedness of life. We've a false sense of independence. Mentoring enhances relationships through greater self acceptance. Mentoring may move you toward personal acceptance that the universe is ultimately friendly.
Use Psychophilotic® mentoring as an aid in seeking compassion for self, harmony with others, and joy in the mystery. Compassion for 'Other' will not be complete until you experience compassion for 'Self'.
Rainer Maria Rilke and Thomas Merton Brightman
Meeting at the Narrows of Infinity
Original Watercolor by Sauts, 2005
(William Sauts Netamuxwe Bock)
My mentoring is an art of nurturance that assits in seeking wholeness. It is an educational process of coming to fully accept oneself, truly love oneself. You come to believe that you are lovable for who you are, not for what you know, do or have. Our relationships are 100% projection. Mentoring is a process about the principle of projection and the discovery of new aspects of self. Projection invents opportunity for learning and can lead to needs just waiting to be discovered, named and realized.
Psychophilotic® mentoring, the process of coming to love oneself, is a journey to realized compassion.
Call to make your first in-person mentoring appointment or click here to learn about Telephone Thomas®, a mobile mentoring and coaching support system. Use it in times of crises or as a scheduled, ongoing mentoring relationship. If you have a phone you have psychophilotic mentoring with Thomas Merton Brightman.
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